Not an English Coutry Garden
The original "English Country Garden" is an English folk song - possibly a teaching song about English fauna and flora.
Many of my musician friends love this piece of music. Percy Grainger liked it so much that he wrote a piano arrangement for it. However many performers strongly dislike the original words - they are difficult to scan, have tortured rhyme and are occasionally wildly innaccurate. For example the original song mentions a bluebird. The bluebird habitat is restricted to North America according to National Geographic so is unlikely to be found in an English country garden. Perhaps this is why so many people have written parodies of this song. My own version borrows some lines from other versions that I vaguely remember, but is mostly based on my own experience of trying to grow English plants in Australia. |
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Not an English country garden
A parody of an English folk song assembled by Ian Hills
(With apologies to the writers of previous versions that I have half remembered)
1.
How can an Aussie ever hope to grow
An English country garden?
It isn’t easy as some of you will know
If I complain I hope you’ll pardon.
Wallabies and possums munching on the blossoms,
Toads in the birdbath poisoning the birds,
Bandicoots digging up the roots
In my English country garden.
(Bindies. Don’t forget the bindies)
2.
How many pests are likely to infest
An English country garden
I’ll tell you now of some that I detest
And those I miss you’ll surely pardon
Cabbage worms and spider mites. Things that give you nasty bites.
Hornets, spiders, snakes and bees.
Aphids and locusts are really quite ferocious
In my English country garden.
(Bull ants. Don’t forget the bull ants)
3.
I built a wall to try and keep them all
Out of my English country garden.
I did my best to eradicate the pests
In my English country garden.
I used every pest control: sprays and powders, aerosols,
Weed killers, snail bait, insecticides.
I killed all the pests; and I killed all the rest
Of my English country garden
(Cane toads. Didn’t kill the cane toads)
4.
I will confess that I have no success
With my English country garden
I’ve thought it through and decided what to do
With a result I hope you’ll pardon
Cover it with broken bricks. Fill it up with ready mix,
Wait for it to harden.
I’ll cultivate an Aussie estate
Not an English country garden.
(White rocks. I’ll be painting lots of white rocks)